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To the Point

Chasing the Divine Feminine,

                I write poetry, trying to describe

How you make me feel and what you do to me.

 

As I’ve searched for all the ways to tell you how I feel,

                I realize now I’m simply  flirting

With the ultimate tease.

 

From my end, it’s simple: I love you.

                But I don’t know how to tell you, or

Where to tell you, or even who to tell.

10/26/94

 

 

On Hold

You’re just a feeling;

                Where does a feeling live?

How do you follow a feeling?

                How do I contact you,

And where do I find you?

               

This feeling sits on my chest, teasing and

                Taunting me like a schoolyard bully.

Enough, I say.

                “Uncle,” I cry,

But you refuse to let me go.

10/26/94

 

 

I Wonder...

I wonder how softly I could touch you,

                or how deeply I could love you.

I wonder how quietly I could say I love you,

                or how eagerly I would say it to you.

 

I wonder how delicately I could kiss you,

                or how wantonly I could be kissed by you.

I wonder how closely I could look at you,

                or how openly I could give myself to you.

 

And I wonder how quickly I would give it all up for you,

                or how easily I could surrender to you,

If only I knew where you were.

10/24/94 - 11/4/94

 

 

The Wind

The air around me is quite elusive;

                Odorless, weightless and formless,

It’s too delicate to touch and impossible to hold.

 

And then a breeze stirs, hinting at the

                Subtle substance of moving air

That can now be felt and possibly heard.

 

Breeze matures into wind,

                Absolute in it’s power and

Ability to make itself known.

 

That wind reminds me how little control I really have,

                For I am small leaf, ripped from

My tree, and drawn inescapably into your wake.

11/10/94

 

 

Hard as a Rock

I was raised to be like granite;

                Cold, hard, sharp, unmoving and unmoved.

Be like a rock, they said, and you’ll never get hurt.

 

But each year, when times are at their coldest,

                Little bits of soft, feminine moisture find

Their way into the smallest of cracks within the rock.

 

At night, the water freezes within the granite.

                It manages to expand, and slowly

Widens the crack in the rock.

 

You’ve become those tiny drops of water,

                Slipping through the cracks in my hardness,

And breaking them away.

11/20/94

 

 

Passing Through

Perhaps I’m getting  used to you not being here.

                Emptiness and mere existence have become bed partners.

A void fills that great space you created,

                Turning fulfillment into an empty vacuum.

 

I desperately miss that longing feeling, and long for the yearning you create.

                You used to break my heart every moment, touching me,

While never quite being there.

                The hopeless longing is better than the emptiness.

 

There’s such a thing as being too elusive, too removed.

                Play hard to get, I heard, and you might not get chosen.

 

Lately the world and it’s reality come

                At me like a freight train, relentless and unstoppable.

I’m so busy getting out of the way, I can’t hear you calling.

                Are you calling me? 

 

Eternity is that time span your head can cope with

                But not your heart.

When you’re near, the yearning and craving I feel make reality

                Worth tolerating.  I miss that longing.

1/11/95

 

 

The Wall of Tears

She asked me who told me not to cry.

                Everyone, I thought, but

Nothing came out of my mouth.

 

Why did they make me hide you, bury, you, deny you?

                What makes all those men so afraid

Of the Feminine they can't even see?

 

I found the gate that acknowledged pain, and

                I found the door that hides the rage.

Behind them all is the wall that leads to tears.

 

I cried many times today;

                All but one were for other peoples' pain.

An acceptable loophole, I suppose, in my training.

 

Pain led me to the wall of tears, but

                I found no way through.

The sadness of not knowing how to cry, made me cry.

3/25/95

all material Copyright Bret Stephenson 2001

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All material Copyright by Bret Stephenson 1997-2008
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Last Updated December 20, 2008