Chest of Drawers

The Chest of Drawers

The boy paid attention to what he was being taught. Some things made sense while others did not. Too often he tried to get answers to the things he did not understand, and he was made to feel bad. Many people who told him things were angry, and seemed determined to share their anger with the boy. The same thing happened with people who had fear and judgment; this was their way and they gave this to the boy to hold.

After a while it became difficult for the boy to hold all of the fear, anger and judgment he had been given, and he realized he needed a place to keep it all. It had to be convenient and have easy access, because people would ask him things he had learned were to be answered in fear and anger, or confusion and criticism. He needed to be able to get them quickly and easily, because he had been taught not to trust and share his feelings over the years and now he could easily use his collection of negativity to repel those who confronted him.

The boy created a large chest of drawers where he could store all of the negativity he had acquired. Like any other chest of drawers, he decided to put the things he needed most in the top drawer. Here he placed anger, fear and judgment, for those were the negative aspects he used most often. They were placed neatly in the drawer, like one would store socks, t-shirts and underwear. And like a sock drawer that is full to capacity, the boy soon learned that somehow, there is always room for a little bit more.

Sometimes the drawer seemed to bulge, with little corners of things sticking out. But this caused no real problem, for the boy always found ways to use some of the contents of the great drawer and create a little more room. And like favorite t-shirts and socks, some aspects had not been used in a while. Even if they had holes in them, he still could not part with them and they eventually worked their way to the bottom of the drawer where they would lie for a long time until those special occasions when they could come out of retirement.

In the drawers below the top one, he placed the lesser negative aspects such as confusion, criticism, prejudice, guilt, selfishness and worry. Eventually, just like his other dresser of clothes, things seemed to find their niche based on how often they were needed and their importance. The middle drawer marked the transition from negative to positive, and these aspects, although separated into their own piles, somehow always seemed to get mixed up with one another.

In the drawer next to the bottom were some of the more positive aspects the boy had learned, such as happiness, calmness, and generosity, but they were harder for him to get to as they required bending down and were not as clearly organized as the ones in the top drawer. Often it seemed as if someone came along and messed the drawer up on purpose so the boy could not find what he was looking for. Down in the bottom drawer he put joy, ecstasy, manhood and freedom, because like typical bottom drawer dwellers, he seldom used them but could not quite part with them either.

And such was how the boy learned to organize and access the feelings he needed most. As he grew older, people came to help answer his questions, and they did not have the negative beliefs he had grown up with. They encouraged him to grow, and provided a safe place for him to try on the things he had hidden for so long in the lower drawers. He carefully and tentatively began to try each aspect on, and the people responded with so much enthusiasm, he began going to the lower drawers more and more often.

His teachers helped him think about the fear, judgment and anger he had used so much, and showed him other ways to think and feel. He practiced their teachings, and more and more often as he would search inside that drawer for the usual response, he would look in another drawer for one that might actually fit better.

One day the boy learned he was to become a father. As in countless times before, he went to that top drawer for the usual replies to having children, and much to his surprise, the drawer was empty.

February 1994

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Last Updated December 20, 2008